fuck was i.

here is a heart.

2010-11-20T13:44:00.004Z

These are a few of my (current) favourite things:

Blogs
Clementine Ford's blog is just lovely, it is.
Alicia Wooding's blog is just beautiful, it is.
Kristina Horner's blog is just inspiring, it is.
Hayley G Hoover's blog is just funny, it is.
Me Me Molly's blog is just...everything, it is.
Alison Chadwick's blog is just adorable, it is.

Music
Brandi Carlile - Brandi Carlile album, 2005
Jay-Z - Blueprint and Unplugged (MTV)
Eminem - everything minus that drugged out period
Lauren Zettler - live recordings and the yet to be released, mainly
The xx - XX
Arctic Monkeys - Whatever people say I am... obviously
Lykke Li - mood dependant
Lelia Broussard - Masquerade

Food
Avocado (with everything)
Scrambled eggs (as everything)
Bagels (interesting bread)
Coke (in lieu of meals sometimes. I know. I'm sorry)
Tomato soup (as the underdog who struck back)
Christmas lattes (bring festive spirit)

People
Alicia for her lifestyle, location, job and wardrobe
Alison for her... for her.
Bre for her insight
Clementine Ford for her brain
Jenny for her boobs, mostly. But sometimes her friendship
Lauren Zettler for her heart
Sam for his (a boy! what?) humour and one-shoe'd optimism

Activities
Tumblr
St Helens
Teev - Gossip Girl, ANTM, Hellcats, Grey's, 90210, Glee, The X Factor, The Apprentice
Cuddling
Sex
The gym
Dieting
Breakfast
Vinyl
Reading - currently Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart and Dance, Dance, Dance), next Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass
Baths

...with that all said, anyone any ideas on what I should do with my life?

'I have seen your nine to fives wash away your dreams' - Brandi Carlile via Lauren Zettler's arm.

x

I won't be left.

2010-11-16T10:46:00.000Z

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh ... And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new.

- Edward Estlin Cummings

wakey wakey.

2010-10-30T11:11:00.003+01:00

Where has this year gone? On Spotify last year I made a November playlist. It's very 500 Days of Summer and it's still my favourite playlist ever. How is it nearly November again?

x

I like you in mine.

2010-10-08T16:47:00.000+01:00

I have major crushes on at least 3 people right now. I can never, ever get married.

x

but I'm trying.

2010-09-26T12:06:00.003+01:00

I wake at 9.30am now. Regular, like clockwork. Is clockwork one word or two?

I stole a Sharpie from work and I'm drinking lemon iced tea whilst labelling the 30 CDs that were, until 20 minutes ago, floating around in my car; the back seat, the dashboard, the floor. None of them were weightless but floating seemed like a nice word because they were unlabelled and thus, kind of, sort of, in Limbo. Where I imagine you float, because you are neither one thing nor the other, neither here nor there. It has occurred to me that it would probably be more sensible to label them as they are burned, rather than accumulate a large number of identical discs, making car journeys an aural pot luck. But that's not really me, is it? I'll never plan that far ahead. I live for right now. It's a chore, both now and 'then'.

Drinking iced tea reminds me of her. What shall we call her? 'A'? No, too confusing, there have been a few of those... Anyway, I have said too much now and chances are you know who I'm talking about anyway. Clue: She's not French. Clue: She's not completely fucking insane...not yet, anyway. They have a habit of turning though, don't they? Whatever. Basically, the whole point of this was to say that she tastes like Pepsi, tea and potential. She is intelligent and has direction and knows what she wants: me. I like that. I like her certainty. If I can't believe in myself, if I can't see the appeal, it's nice to know that somebody else does.

You all know what happened last time, right? I've been told it's an Aquarian trait. That a typical Aquarius is drawn to uncertainty, to the chase, to rejection, to a challenge. That they hate an easy life, that they are only interested when the object of their interest isn't. ...I know, right? But I'm trying this time.

Sharing popcorn at the cinema, meeting her friends - I'm trying. Here, with my Sharpie and my CDs - I'm trying.

I bought a guinea pig last week and named him Stanley. He pissed on me last night and I took it as a sign of his growing affection and love. ...I know, right? But I'm trying.

x

northshore

2010-08-20T13:18:00.002+01:00

don't stay, don't plan, don't heal, don't mend, don't take, don't send,
don't love me. don't love me. don't love me.

x

heart skipped a beat.

2010-08-14T18:48:00.001+01:00

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me

x

and that's alright with me.

2010-05-14T17:36:00.002+01:00

You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain. Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain. Waste your summer praying in vain for a saviour to rise from these streets. Well now I'm no hero, that's understood; all the redemption I can offer girl is beneath this dirty hood, with a chance to make it good somehow. Hey, what else can we do now? Except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair. Well the night's busting open, these two lanes will take us anywhere. We got one last chance to make it real; to trade in these wings on some wheels. Climb in back Heaven's waiting on down the tracks. Oh, oh come take my hand - we're riding out tonight to case the promised land. Oh, oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road. Lying out there like a killer in the sun, hey I know it's late we can make it if we run. Oh Thunder Road, sit tight, take hold. Thunder Road.

I can't even explain. I'll always cry at this song. It's just THAT good, you know?

x

wax.

2010-04-30T23:32:00.002+01:00

Susie: I'm glad the russian hat is back!
Hayley: I'm having a bad hair...evening.
Rachel: Isn't it 'bad hair day?'
Hayley: No. My hair looked amazing this morning.
Rachel: ha!
Hayley: Well it did. No use avoiding the topic, don't want it to be the elephant in the room.

I'm such a jerk. ha.

x

Hot 100.

2010-04-27T01:05:00.003+01:00

I just voted in AfterEllen's Hot 100, because I like objectifying people. I like sharing too:

Eva Green
Camila Grey
Abisha Uhl
Leisha Hailey
Lindsay Lohan
Zooey Deschanel
Taylor Momsen
Mia Kirshner
Jenny Owen Youngs
Hayley Wiliams

I'm happy with that list. It took a lot of editing but I think it has turned out pretty well.

x

i like you in mine.

2010-04-20T21:06:00.001+01:00

'See, we don't even like each other! So why do we love each other so fucking much?'

Je ne sais pas.

x

keep it in the family.

2010-04-13T20:49:00.003+01:00

Jack (little brother): So who is coming over?
Me: A friend...
Jack: Ooo what kind of friend!?
Me: ha, yano, the pretty kind...
Jack: Niiiice
...
Me: Do you think this is too much alcohol? (2 bottles of wine, JD and coke and Bucks Fizz)
Jack: ...
Me: 'Cos it feels a bit like rape...
Jack: It looks a bit like rape.

x

I won't be left.

2010-04-05T13:35:00.002+01:00

The last 48 hours: bad decisions or worst decisions?

texting, arguing, midnight cinema, hand holding, her single bed, butterfly kisses, Hotel Chocolat easter eggs, dinner, raspberries, broken ribs, hospitals, 'I love you', NHS waiting times, emotional waiting room talk, 'don't cry', 'can we go to your place?', spooning, hand holding, eye contact, a kiss, early morning goodbyes, 'I love you', unpleasant dreams, being chastised by everyone in the world, not caring. But also, caring too much.

Oh, Easter.

I don't know if I feel sad or happy. Or both. Or whether they cancel each other out and I feel nothing more than usual. Probably that one.

x

wandering kind.

2010-03-30T17:45:00.001+01:00

I don't regret it. Not really. I just regret having Laura Veirs' 'Saltbreakers' playing in the background that time we took a bath together. You've kind of ruined that album for me, and it's a fucking good record.

x

go west.

2010-03-29T01:33:00.002+01:00

I'll pretend my ship's not sinking.

x

i was an island.

2010-03-24T21:18:00.002Z

This was going to be an empowering post about how I bought Jenny Owen Youngs a drink and simultaneously took my heart back from between Adele's teeth. About how a vodka and seltzer water (?!) is the key to overcoming misery. About how you think you'll never get out of bed again but then your love of music drags you to Leeds in the rain and even though you haven't smiled or laughed or even eaten in days, you somehow manage to have one of the best nights of your life.

But then she told me she missed me. And then ignored me. And then said 'have a good Easter' as if we shouldn't talk anymore.

And then I drank a lot of vodka and cried whilst listening to The Moldy Peaches.

'If we weren't such good friends I'd wish you were dead.'

x

Sentimental Tune.

2010-03-09T15:46:00.002Z

February playlist:

Ellie Goulding - Lights
-in particular, Starry Eyed and Every Time You Go.

The xx - XX
-in particular, Night Time and Islands.

Florence & The Machine - Lungs
-in particular, Howl and Cosmic Love.

Metric - Fantasies
-in particular, Gold, Guns, Girls and Sick Muse.

Tegan and Sara - Sainthood
-in particular, The Ocean and Alligator.

February has been all about full albums.

x

don't leave me in your bed again.

2010-03-02T09:40:00.002Z

Naomi: Emily, I'm not like you. I'm not sure, like you are.
Emily: What aren't you sure of?
Naomi: Can't things ever be complicated?
Emily: Fine, you like boys too.
Naomi: Maybe. Maybe I only like boys, apart from you.
Emily: Well that's fucking great, you're so in touch with yourself, aren't you?
*Emily gets up to leave*
Naomi: Don't do that.
Emily: No, you don't do that. I'm not your fucking experiment. I'm tired. So sick and tired of it. We're still holding hands through a cat flap, aren't we?

Skins, Series 3 episode 9.

x

Piccadilly Circus

2010-02-17T21:08:00.003Z

The only way to motivate yourself to read about population coding of shape in area V4 of the ventral pathway in the cortex? Paint your nails in Piccadilly Circus whilst listening to Rachael Cantu and simultaneously researching your Masters and looking at flatshare in Islington.

Sigh. And longest sentences ever. Double sigh.

x

this is not a drill.

2010-02-16T12:25:00.003Z

My life is a series of embarrassing moments, threaded together with awkward silences and self-conscious giggling.

I went to her house at 1.30am. We went to sleep at 4am. At 8.30am she left for her lecture, telling me to go back to sleep, to stay as long as I liked. I closed my eyes, pulled the duvet up under my chin, rolled over. At 8.42am the fire alarm screamed. Louder. And louder. I couldn't find my clothes, I couldn't find my phone. I saw residents of the building filing out to the lawn, zombie style. I emerged at 8.47am wearing her tshirt, no bra, my leggings and a fur hat and walked, head down, past the line of still half-sleeping students. It was a very obvious walk of shame. I left my lunch on her bedside table. Along with my dignity. I got in my car and passed her on her way to campus.

This is a typical day.
I'm wondering when I'll get my bra and lunch back.

x

the con.

2010-02-11T14:22:00.002Z

My problem is I don't like to miss out on things. My problem is I hate limiting myself. My problem is I want what I can't have. My problem is I want whatever I shouldn't. My problem is I feel trapped when I'm not.

My problem is me.

x

Snuff.

2010-02-04T12:08:00.001Z

Cassie Wright lies on a bed in front of a camera, waiting to have sex with 600 men. Consecutively. In one day. It is going to be sold as "the biggest gang-bang in history" – and Cassie wants it to end with her death, live on camera. Among the Viagra-guzzling men queuing excitedly at the door, there is one who first introduced her to porn – by drugging and raping her. Oh, and a boy who fervently believes he is the son she gave up for adoption 19 years ago. Welcome to Chuck Palahniuk's imagination.

x

born of a sign that carries vessels.

2010-02-01T19:22:00.003Z

January Playlist:

Bricks - Jenny Owen Youngs
This is the New Year - Ian Axel
Angler Fish - Hailey Wojcik
Want You Back - Lauren Zettler
Gold Guns Girls - Metric
Model Aeroplane - Hailey Wojcik
Stadium Love - Metric
Raised in a Zoo - Hailey Wojcik
Bottle it Up - Sara Bareilles (Age of Rockets remix)
Bone Chaos in the Castle - Kaki King
The Ocean - Tegan and Sara
Hell - Tegan and Sara (Age of Rockets remix)
Under The Sheets - Ellie Goulding
Hollywood - Marina & The Diamonds
The Cave - Mumford & Sons
Keep me Warm - Ida Maria
Antonia Jane - Lightning Dust
Take me to the Riot - Stars
Starstrukk - 3OH!3
Hook Up - Katy Perry
Holiday - Dizzee Rascal
Waves (B-Side) - Metric

x

you make me feel like Holden Caulfield.

2010-01-29T00:52:00.000Z

"It's everybody, I mean. Everything everybody does is so--I don't know--not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid, necessarily. But just so tiny and meaningless--and sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're conforming just as much as everybody else, only in a different way."

RIP J.D. Salinger.

that time we all felt infinite.

2010-01-21T01:06:00.002Z

I never understand why people spell 'definitely' wrong - it's just like finite and infinite, and it would be weird to put an 'a' in those words, I think.

I just finished reading 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower.' It was one of those books that makes you question why you're alive. That makes you wonder if you've ever felt infinite. That makes you cry. And laugh. And consumes you completely. I want to give a copy to everybody I know.

I'm starting 'Lolita' now. I stopped reading and I don't know when that happened. I read hundreds of pages of Psychology articles a week but it's not really reading. Reading is feeling overwhelmed and excited and apprehensive and captivated and depressed and neurotic and...feeling. Reading, and really absorbing what you read, is feeling. I miss that.

I'm not sure I've ever felt infinite.

x

high voltage.

2010-01-19T23:46:00.002Z

My iTunes just did this:

Dreaming of Revenge - Kaki King
Explode - Uh Huh Her
Call it Off - Tegan and Sara
Dance Anthem of the 80s - Regina Spektor
Maybe - Ingrid Michaelson

Precisely how I feel. In five songs. Brilliant.

x

a floorplan.

2010-01-16T03:05:00.003Z

diorama.

2010-01-13T03:53:00.004Z

'I hope you spot an anglerfish, you think you see the light,
But then you get eaten alive.

You think you know, but you have no idea.'

x

formspring.me

2010-01-11T01:42:00.001Z

Question: My ex "dedicated" Last Person to her new girlfriend on facebook. Could you go back in time and unwrite it so I stop feeling like a sorry sack of shit?

Answer: Unfortunately, no. I can suggest, though, that you unfriend your ex on Facebook, even if it's just temporary. You'll probably feel a lot better not having to see her status updates all the time.

I mean, this is definitely hilarious.

x

we get on.

2010-01-07T19:47:00.000Z

'And my friends were like "Whatever, you'll find someone better; his eyes are way too close together and we never even liked him from the start. And now he's with that tart, and I heard she'd done some really nasty stuff down in the park with Michael. He said she's easy and if your guy's with someone that's sleazy then he ain't worth your time 'cause you deserve a real nice guy"

So I proceeded to get drunk and to cry.
I locked myself in the toilets for the entire night.'

x

Welcome to the future.

2009-12-31T21:36:00.002Z

My 50-something Uncle upon entering the house: HEY PEEPS!
Me: Where have you come from, 1999?

and on that note, Happy New Year.

x

Decemberist.

2009-12-23T17:07:00.004Z

December playlist:

Take it Off - Ke$ha
Kerry/Laura Bush/Lynn Cheney - Sandra Bernhard
One for the Shareholder - Maria Taylor
Careful - Paramore
Starstrukk - 3OH!3 (feat. Katy Perry)
Forever and Always - Taylor Swift
Rat is Dead - CSS
The Girl You Lost to Cocaine - Sia
Misery Business - Paramore
A Good Start - Maria Taylor
Heartbeats - The Knife
Hero - Regina Spektor
Shapes - Lauren Zettler
Try to Understand - Allison Weiss
Woodcut (Age of Rockets remix) - Jenny Owen Youngs
Hey Stephen - Taylor Swift
Daniel - Bat For Lashes
Every You, Every Me - Placebo
Anthem Part 2 - Blink 182

x

in your box.

2009-12-23T16:34:00.002Z

What my music says about me:

Joanna Newsom
People who have considered befriending a squirrel.

Vivian Girls
Girls who purchase a guitar, buy flannel from the Salvation Army, wear glasses that they don’t actually need, and still can’t get the guy.

The Shins
Premature alts who considered Garden State a life-altering viewing experience.

Tegan & Sara
Lesbians and guys who firmly believe that when there are two girls on stage together, there is a 63% chance of them making out.

St. Vincent
Feminists.

Ra Ra Riot
Girls who got their boyfriends to watch Me and You and Everyone We Know.

Bat for Lashes
Girls who wear leggings outside of ’80s-themed parties.

Regina Spektor
Girls who don’t understand boys.

CSS
Girls who throw up at every party.

--

So fucking true.

x

when you have a crack.

2009-12-23T11:59:00.004Z

'Miss G was our crack. When you had a crack you saw things more clearly: the thick dark of the shadows and the soft glow of the pink magnolia petals against their waxy leaves. You wanted to lie down alone in the dark in the music room and listen to Rachmaninoff and to the summer rains rushing hard down the gutter. You left notes for your crack in her mug next to her toothbrush on the shelf in the bathroom. If you accidentally brushed up against your crack...you nearly fainted.'

x

What are cracks?

2009-12-23T11:50:00.002Z

We held our breath, we shut our eyes,
We felt our head spin.
Our souls escaped into the skies,
We heard a frightful din.

In the dark we saw diamonds;
Miss G sallied down the aisle.
She touched us with her hands
And bore us aloft, awhile.

x

one for the shareholder.

2009-12-08T13:29:00.001Z

I'm so embarrassed for people with facebook statuses like this:

"...super eggsited to finish work and see my beautiful girlfriend! Argh love is amazing! :) (puke puke) haha <3Helen"

Like, who/what are you overcompensating for?

x

last person.

2009-12-06T23:58:00.005Z

That shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. There exists a copy of that picture which includes my whole face, but sadly my lopsided smile has betrayed me once more.

x

ps. guess how much coffee i've had?

roll me over, baby.

2009-12-04T16:39:00.002Z

'give me something that will roll me over baby, I don't wanna feel like me tonight.'

x

i won't write you a love song.

2009-12-02T01:32:00.002Z

Sara Bareilles - Little Voice.

The key to happiness, I find.

x

4:06am

2009-11-26T04:06:00.003Z

A lot of lattes. A lot of proplus. (Too much proplus.)
A plan featuring more question marks than content. Safe.
The L Word season one marathon.
Caffeine shakes.
Realisation that this lack of sleep will not be rectified until next week.
Shakes.
Poor quality blogging.
Opaque tights as pants because housemates asleep.
Pondering the merits of salient prospects.

Happy 4am. Happy Thanksgiving.

xx

Sweet November.

2009-11-24T11:54:00.004Z

November playlist:

She's Got You High - Mumm-Ra
Us - Regina Spektor
The Ocean - Tegan and Sara
1901 - Phoenix
Thong Song - Sisqo
Call It Off - Tegan and Sara
I Knew - Lightning Dust
Where Does the Good Go? - Tegan and Sara
Jude Law and a Semester Abroad - Brand New
The Con - Tegan and Sara
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Sleep - Azure Ray
Back in Your Head - Tegan and Sara
Knocked Up - Kings of Leon
Knocked Up, Lykke Li vs. Rodeo Remix - Kings of Leon
Nineteen - Tegan and Sara
Jungle Drum - Emiliana Torrini
Looking Up - Paramore
The Girl You Lost to Cocaine - Sia
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
I Know I Know I Know - Tegan and Sara
You Wouldn't Like Me - Tegan and Sara

Cited influences: Skins, 500 Days of Summer, Tegan and Sara gig.

x

obtaining the floor.

2009-11-23T19:38:00.002Z

Today I had a seminar on turn-taking, in particular during political interviews. We watched a clip of Margaret Thatcher being interviewed. In fact, we watched the same 30 seconds about 7 times whilst people had heated discussions about her 'technique' and 'turn-yielding cues.'

I spent the whole time deciding whether she was wearing white eyeliner.
I think she was.

x

It was an all-girls pool party!

2009-11-16T18:17:00.003Z

Mum: Oh, Hayley knows a girl from there!
(Hayley, inner voice: fuck.)
Emma: Oo what's her name?
(Hayley, inner voice: The Life Ruiner; she ruins lives.)
Hayley: ...Jayde.
Emma: oh yes, SUCH a lovely girl!
(Hayley, inner voice: yeh, you could say that. Or you could say she's a scum sucking road whore who needs to die. Same diff.)
Hayley: uh huh.
Emma: No really, she's SO nice!
(Hayley, inner voice: Really? Tell that to my shattered dreams and bruised ego.)
Hayley: For sure, yeh.

Ten Minutes Later...

Mum: She was nice!
Hayley: I hate you.

x

lightning dust.

2009-11-13T17:27:00.002Z

Reasons I'm not doing any work right now:

-Inhalation causes coughing.
-I cannot breathe through my nose.
-I have used a whole box of tissues in a day.
-My hair is flat.
-A baby and a Scouse cliché have set up camp in my living room.

Why do I have so much to dooo?

x

the years.

2009-11-11T10:19:00.001Z

"Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.

I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.

V."

2009-11-10T18:57:00.003Z

'and the shockwaves on my bones will linger, like the ghost of you here in my bed.'

-Emiliana Torrini, Beggar's Prayer.

get a pen, too.

2009-10-29T19:38:00.000Z

I love dating, but here's a tip:

Study dates don't really work.

x

not wanting the pieces.

2009-10-24T02:29:00.002+01:00

I will almost certainly live to regret that email. Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.
My life.

x

chipped polish.

2009-10-19T11:21:00.000+01:00

gay brownies.

2009-10-13T23:28:00.000+01:00

On your Wikipedia page, one of the first things it says about you is that your friends call you "Alt.Gwyn."
Yeah, I don't know where that ever got created because I can guarantee you none of my friends ever called me that. Other reporters have been like, "So, this alternative Gwyneth thing . . ." and I'm like, "I have no idea." I'd own it if someone did call me that. But I swear, no one has ever called me that.

So you're not calling her up for Coldplay tickets.
Right, exactly.

Kate Moennig. Love her.

Daisy.

2009-10-05T13:13:00.001+01:00

I nearly died yesterday. Like full on, had I braked a fraction of a second later, I'd be road kill. Shit like that will fuck you up.

On the plus side, however, Daisy Lowe and I have the exact same birthday. Year and everything. I like that.

x

this is a pretty song.

2009-10-03T23:40:00.001+01:00

the con.

2009-10-03T23:13:00.001+01:00

encircle me; I need to be taken down.

x

there's not a time or place...

2009-10-01T13:51:00.002+01:00

...for giving up
And I don't think that I could ever stop
Even if I'm in over my head.
In over my head.

Well, it's too late for me to tell you I won't be gone for long.

x

the only exception.

2009-09-28T21:22:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I'm good at stuff, innit.

"On Mon, Sep 28, 2009 at 12:38 PM, laneia wrote:

> hayley! i can't get over how much this article doesn't suck! i mean, your
> tone is perfect and you even told me where to put the pictures! I LOVE THIS
> SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA OMGGGGGGG
>
> thank youuuuu! eeeeeee!"

x

the plums.

2009-09-22T20:54:00.001+01:00

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

-William Carlos Williams

Jealoussss.

2009-09-18T13:37:00.001+01:00

I might swap Allison Harvard into my Celebrity 5. Why? Have you seen the picture?

x

sunday best and broken glass.

2009-09-17T20:22:00.001+01:00

This song reminds me of being 14. And physics, for some reason.

x

Adam and Eve.

2009-09-15T14:13:00.002+01:00

"I've seen rain turn into snow then back to rain,
and I've seen making love turn into fucking
then back to making love,
and no one covered up their faces out of shame,
no one rose and walked into the lonely maw of night."

Adam and Eve, by Tony Hoagland.

x

boobs etc.

2009-09-15T01:16:00.002+01:00

I've been having a lot of girl feelings these past few days. Very out of character and making me feel rather uncomfortable. Would like this excess of oestrogen to deplete, please? I only have 200 texts left for the next 20 days and cannot afford for this strange body invasion to lead to yet another £100 phone bill.

In other news: I have no other news.

I'm kind of into tumblr in a big way. I like the artsy pictures. Especially the ones of legs.

I'm too tired to be witty.

x

I'm starting to think he's not marriage material.

2009-09-10T01:32:00.004+01:00

I loved Sorority Row. I won't bore you with all of the reasons why, but a few would be the inclusion of Lykke Li in the soundtrack, the very high boob count, the colour of Rumer Willis' hair and the poor acting of Audrina Partridge.

x

ps. THETA PIE MUST DIE!

The littlest things.

2009-09-07T17:54:00.003+01:00

'So I'm laid low with a broke leg. Looking for stuff to watch online. Decide to catch up on some youtube subscribtions. Old favourites I haven't watched in an age.

Hughsnews. Boh3m3. Paperlillies.
Quite taken with Mememolly's 'Fox Lemons'.

Google the term, to see if its original. She always is. 2nd Google result was you. A fellow Jenny fan.

Thought your blog was warm, sweet and sincere. And something would be amiss if I didn't tell you that. You should write more.'

Broken leg, I like you. Thanks for the sweetness but I hope you heal soon; legs don't just make us longer.
Rest in peace my bad mood.

x

I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

2009-09-07T01:28:00.001+01:00

http://hayleyandthecomet.tumblr.com/

It's not fun, don't do it.

x

and that's when we'll explode.

2009-09-06T01:43:00.000+01:00

and it won't be a pretty sight.

x

easy.

2009-09-05T23:58:00.001+01:00

My party trick? Breathing. With my heart clamped firmly between your teeth.

x

she-wolf in the closet.

2009-09-02T14:49:00.001+01:00

I'd sell my car for a bit of this in my closet.

x

Drop and give me twenty.

2009-09-01T23:53:00.003+01:00

Oh I'll drop alright. My pants, that is.
Exercise would become a treat and not a chore if this cougar was stood at the end of the treadmill.

x

staying up all night.

2009-08-23T21:38:00.003+01:00

I used to listen to Mr Incredible on full volume when I drove to sixth form. I assumed I wouldn't like any of their other stuff. I was incorrect. This summer has been a lot about Sick of Sarah on spotify.

x

getting revved up for health.

2009-08-23T09:42:00.001+01:00

Courtney has made me very happy for the past two years.

x

style warriors.

2009-08-22T21:48:00.001+01:00

I just got a phone bill for £100 but all I can think about is this (& kat dennings):

x

the boys wanna be her.

2009-08-22T18:50:00.001+01:00

Ellen Page. Drew Barrymore. & Peaches on the soundtrack.

fuck yes.

x

'Adele, the appliqué on your jeans was declared an abomination by the geneva convention.'

2009-08-20T11:26:00.003+01:00

AE: Whoa.
MK: Yeah. I asked her to come outside with me, and I was like, "Listen, why are you at this club tonight?" And she said, "I'm here to have a good time." And I said, "So am I. Do you have a job?" And she said, "Yeah." And I said, "Why do you work?" And she said, "To make money." And I said, "That's why I work, and that's why I have a job and I need to make money. And that's what I do. So when you say, 'I hope you die,' I assume you're talking about my character, and not me. And it's not nice. It's not me, it's my job and it's what I do to pay my bills. And I just ask you to have a little kindness."

Mia Kirshner being interviewed by AfterEllen. They asked her about a crazy fan who once told Mia she hoped she'd die.
Mia is wonderful. I want to be smart and shy and adorable.

x

p.s. I killed Jenny.

We're friends, but I don't put my dick in you.

2009-08-18T00:50:00.004+01:00

I just painted my nails Slime Green and so can't even contemplate packing for at least 20 minutes. I've decided to use this time wisely by attempting to compile my Celebrity 5 (the five people you're allowed to have guilt-free, wild, unbridled sex with should you ever meet them). This will be very hard as I am attracted to almost everyone with a vagina.

In no particular order:

1. Taylor Momsen
2. Penelope Cruz
3. Leisha Hailey
4. Kat Dennings
5. Sarah Silverman

People who didn't quite make the cut include Tegan Quin, Camila Grey, Lindsay Lohan, Kaya Scodelario and Willa Holland. I still would though.

This list will probably change in approximately 3 days. I'm fickle.

x

edit: Kat Dennings has replaced Angelina Jolie. I loved her during Raising Dad circa 2001. I loved her in Sex and The City. Then I loved her on youtube. Now I love her in Nick and Norah.

oh. oh. oh. I'm on fire.

2009-08-14T20:37:00.001+01:00

I thought I couldn't love Lauren Zettler more. But then this.

x

There's something about Mary.

2009-08-13T23:29:00.004+01:00

Two things.

First thing: I asked for a milkshake at a bar today. I was told, direct quote, that they were 'out of the shake part.' I'm fairly sure milkshake is just a term. I'm fairly sure a milkshake is not milk + shake. And shake is a verb; you can't be out of an action.

Second thing: I went on a date. She was cute, smart, had a sexy little private school accent. And a boyfriend. She didn't seem to think it was an issue.

This is my life. Standard.

x

Little, smiling hooks - Plath, 1965.

2009-08-12T17:39:00.002+01:00

"Sophomoric Student: I like the clouds...they're like, a metaphor.
Sarcastic Lecturer: No, they are a metaphor. If they were like a metaphor, they'd be, like, a simile."

-Russo, 1997.

x

new romantic.

2009-08-10T14:43:00.002+01:00

I can't listen to Winter Song by Sara Barielles and Ingrid Michaelson because I had it as my alarm tone for 6 months.
I can't listen to Say So by Uh Huh Her because I had it as my ringtone for close to a year.
I can only just listen to Laura Marling's 'Alas I cannot swim' because I had it on repeat last summer between shifts at McDonalds.

x

Check this hand 'cos I'm marvellous.

2009-08-10T13:00:00.002+01:00

I totally just burst a blood vessel singing to this.

x

natural selection...a little help?

2009-08-10T01:26:00.002+01:00

preface: A couple months back I wrote a column. I got a facebook message from a guy who read the column. He said he liked it. I accepted his friend request. He turned out to be, like the other people I attract, insane. He said 'it's a shame you're a lezzy, what a waste ;)'. Brilliant.

----
Today:
s: i don't think you're a lezzy
h: right. why is that?
s: a friend of a friend told me you were offended by my comments.

h: surely that sort of logic would only enhance my sapphic probablility, no? why would a straight person be aggrieved (not offended) if someone said 'shame you're a lesbian.' if i had any interest in men, that would be a compliment. as it happens, i don't, and find things like that bemusing and irritating.

S: it's difficult to retort in a manner i deem appropriate to facebook chat. regardless, i apologise if i in any way irritated you and your sensibilities. bravo for such an impressive memory... or was it the work of facebook... retrieving your history

H: i have a hard time forgetting a dickhead. night x

S: safe. maybe that's why your into minge. rest well
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
in my haste: you're*

H: lol, classy.

----

And thus began my loss of faith in Darwin.

x

Dawn. Endless. Twilight.

2009-08-08T23:52:00.003+01:00

I love Sarah Jessica Parker. Everything about her. Her hair. Her wardrobe. Her personality. Her PERFUMES. Carrie. Everything.

'It should either be North, or Moth.'
'I think we found our Nancy ;)'

x

Weird Science.

2009-08-07T15:12:00.004+01:00

Dear Peaches,
I guess I'm writing this because I find it hard to say these things out loud. The thing is, I owe you an apology. I've treated you badly recently and you don't deserve it. You've been nothing but wonderful and I've kinda been a selfish bitch. Here is a list of the issues I feel need addressing:

I'm sorry for not having washed you yet, even though you are covered in bird shit.
I'm sorry for never filling your tyres with air due to my fear of the machine.
I'm sorry for putting the hamster on the front seat twice and thus filling you with sawdust.
I'm sorry for having to leave you parked in 2nd gear, but really this bit is out of my control.
Subsequently, I'm sorry for the occasions upon which I start you without the clutch down, causing you to stall and us roll down the hill.
I'm sorry for driving you too fast when I'm in a bad mood.
I'm sorry for listening to Metric too loud and thus forgetting to change from 2nd gear that time...that time where we were going 40mph. (I really am very sorry about this one.)
I'm sorry for the general listening to of loud music, actually.
I'm sorry I complained about your clutch that one time when I was looking for an argument. I momentarily forgot about the old car with its distinct lack of clutch. You're better than that. Sorry.
I'm sorry for that time I left your lights on when I went to Jenny's house. It was really good of you to start after that and I never properly thanked you for it.
I'm sorry for taking all of my moods out on you. Especially for forcing you to circle York 3 times when I had really bad PMS.
I'm sorry I abused your power and drove to Somerfield on Tuesday just to avoid having to re-do my hair.
I'm sorry for complaining about how poor you make me.

I hope you can accept my sincerest apologies. I love you very much. I will take better care of you from now on, promise. I'm going to go and buy Motorworld's best car shampoo just as soon as I get done here, ok?

All my love,
Hayley.

Nature.

2009-08-07T00:14:00.003+01:00

"Science and journalism are not alien cultures, for all that they can sometimes seem that way. They are built on the same foundation — the belief that conclusions require evidence; that the evidence should be open to everyone; and that everything is subject to question."

My supervisor found this in an article and sent it to me. I like that. I like the quote too, I stuck it on my wall. I stuck it well away from the Lindsay Lohan pictures, she seems to have a reverse Midas touch in terms of success and careers lol.

We're trying the 'just friends' thing again. Fifth year lucky, right?

x

Sucking fox lemons promiscuously.

2009-08-03T21:15:00.003+01:00

I want higher water pressure and more bubbles.
I want tomorrow to be a sunny day.
I want the key to the back door to work.
I want to wake up ten pounds lighter.
I want to be good at running.
I want the water to run hotter.
I want mememolly to update more often.
I want more shoes.
I want to know more songs on my ukulele.
I want the Internet back.

I don't want any of these things.
I want all of these things.

x

cat bites and cat fights.

2009-07-30T16:45:00.002+01:00

My cat got bitten...by another cat. Why do we always eat our own? Cats should be uniting and fighting the good fight, i.e. the dogs.

I still have a stomach ache. Really, it could just be period pain now but there's no way of distinguishing. Either way, it still hurts. Like, mega, yah?

Lavender Brown is a hottie.
Bellatrix LeStrange is a hottie.
Hermione Granger is a hottie.

Giant strawberries from pick n mix stands are better than most things and phasing out is the new black.

x

'sass. it'll bite you in the ass.'

2009-07-26T21:40:00.003+01:00

Berger's back. On Sex and The City, Berger's back. Purely because I'm watching it out of order, but here he is. Back. I liked Berger. I liked Aiden too, a lot actually. She probably should have married Aiden, but she didn't. We'll see how that goes.

In other news:
Oasis. Calippos. Hurricane. Fire. Peaches. Lykke Li. Sun. (burn). Sand. SAND. Hiking. Bagsfartoobigandheavyforourframes. Barcelona. Art. Skateboarders. Under-age boyfriends. Beautiful.Spanish.Women. Ridiculous coaches. Ridiculously convenient coaches.

STOMACH ACHE.
stomach aches.
STOMACH ACHE.

x

art in motion.

2009-07-10T18:45:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I think I can write. And then I see things like this.

Love this chick. Still not sure about that religion thing a few months back though.

x

the grass is always greener.

2009-07-10T12:55:00.003+01:00

The L Word, LA Style. VS. Far Out, Britain's attempt.

This is why I'm moving to LA.

x

you're so oral, you'll never get to anal.

2009-07-10T01:17:00.003+01:00

'According to Hope, Freud died of 'kitty leukaemia'. According to me, Freud died of being trapped in a laundary basket for 4 days without food or water.'

But Kristen Chenoweth? Really?

x

here's something novel.

2009-07-02T12:24:00.002+01:00

I just tested myself. Like, full on cover the sheet and write down what you know. I haven't done that since A Level Chemistry (I didn't revise for Biology or Psychology). Basically, when I go into a uni exam it's having spent the night before reading half the lecture slides. For this one, I actually have a full set of revision notes, some topics even twice over, and I can confidently say that anything to do with the brain factors in feeding will be nailed by moi. It's probably just one question, but it's one more than I'm usually prepared for.

Sadly, however, I now think I don't have to do anymore and I have 4 hours to kill. Pub anyone?

x

i didn't eat for three days so i could be lovely.

2009-07-02T00:12:00.003+01:00

'I stopped eating and then people had to do excactly what I said. That was power.'

I love Skins. I think I love season 2 the most. Cassie is probably my favourite fictional character of anything ever.

'I fucked up. Tony fucked up. Sid fucked up. Jal's fucked up worse than any of use but it doesn't all have to turn to shit.'
...
'Guys...how's Jal fucked up?'

That scene is the best thing ever. Literally. Literally ever. I love the new seasons for Emily and Naomi and a lesbian relationship on a mainstream show but...Cassie <3

x

Please darling, make me hurt.

2009-06-30T21:26:00.002+01:00

I came to the library to revise because all I did at home was watch Wimbledon all day and make unnecessarliy large sandwiches. There's no tennis here but the vending machine is probably worse than the sandwiches. Revising eating disorders made me hungry.

I watch Dexter, my dad is manic depressive and I have spent a large proportion of my life googling anorexics. I therefore am guaranteed at least a 2:1 in psychopathology, no? Need further proof? Yesterday someone said 'jane was bullimic, you know' and I said 'i'm willing to bet that's a lie.' Therefore, I already know everything and need revise no longer.

So I'm bored. Can you tell?

x

give me something that will roll me over baby, I don't want to feel like me tonight.

if the fire's out, baby.

2009-06-30T00:03:00.002+01:00

[how you gonna keep me warm? supposing you let me.]

Today:
fail, cake, lols, cake, ice cream, banter, cake, football, biscuits, tennis, bed.

I don't have an exam on Thursday. Oh, no, I do. I'm such a joke.

x

not a michael jackson blog.

2009-06-26T01:51:00.002+01:00

According to very reliable sources (i.e. the interwebz), my personality type is INTJ: Introverted (67%), Intuitive (12%), Thinking (38%) and Judging (11%). [I am aware they do not add up to 100.] This type is known as the 'mastermind' and for that, I'm willing to accept it.

Rational Portrait of the Mastermind (INTJ)

Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency.

In their careers, Masterminds usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither their own time and effort nor that of their colleagues and employees.

Masterminds tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals, having usually developed a very strong will. Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality.

I guess it's fairly accurate for a good day but most of the time I'm a bit of a mess. I think if I had more drive I could live up to it but right now I'm only motivated to eat and sleep.

One day, I'll achieve greatness. Maybe. If I can be bothered.

x

out with the old.

2009-06-25T20:18:00.003+01:00

Hello, World. This is Peaches. I can no longer afford to eat but I needed to lose weight anyway. I signed for this bad boy and five minutes later my blue car decided to spite me by having an epic clutch fail. It was just bitter, nobody likes being replaced. We're gonna have some hardcore cruising times over summer...are you in?

x

eet.

2009-06-25T00:55:00.000+01:00

regina spektor is probably god. just sayin'.

x

running with scissors.

2009-06-24T22:23:00.000+01:00

old habits die hard? well, mine aren't even sick.

x

once more with feeling.

2009-06-24T01:42:00.001+01:00

It's like somebody went into my brain and based this on what they found.

Eva Green. In my pants.
x

I felt you in my legs.

2009-06-23T19:21:00.003+01:00

I can't focus my thoughts and I have a headache and I've eaten everything in sight and I've revised all day and covered nothing and I have the two ugliest bruises you'll ever see and my car is broken and...everything.

[Love me. I was yours, right?]

x

'haha, i thought that said 'omelette'...'

2009-06-22T17:12:00.002+01:00

I did wear the shorter skirt. I also did comprehensive reading and note-making.
Not to brag or anything but the words, 'wow, I'm impressed' were uttered.

As was '...because I remember the first time we met, you said...'
As was 'well I'm around over summer too so if you need anything just give me an email.'

Well saved, Hayley. Well saved.

x

Do you want to write this down?

2009-06-20T01:39:00.002+01:00

Sometimes in life, there are choices to be made.

Today I had two choices:
1. research my project fully.
2. research it for ten minutes and spend the rest of the morning making myself look pretty.

I chose the latter. It resulted in the worst fifteen minutes of my life thus far.

I learned a valuable lesson today...wearing really short dresses will only get you so far in life, sometimes you have to sound intelligent, too. I'm going to try and rectify the situation on Monday. But I'm also going to wear an even shorter skirt.

What? Everyone needs a back-up plan.

x